Disney Flower & Garden 2014!

I'm not going to bother with Disney horses that have died and been well and thoroughly beaten. So, ON WITH THE SHOW!

The show started with your intrepid heroes stuck for four hours on the I-4. People died so I really have no right complaining but taking almost five hours to get a major interstate reopened? Get your shit together people.

This actually set the right tone for the trip. We were annoyed, then frantically trying to find a better way then finally, as our Fastpass+ time for Toy Story ticked passed, we made peace with a simple notion: This was not a commando style tour. What we see, we see. What we do, we do.

We roll up into Disney Hollywood Studios in the afternoon and pick up a pair of MagicBands. These store all the stuff that is on your ticket before as well as your Fastpass+ stuff. You just touch Mickey's face to the face of the reader and you are set. Getting the ticket changed into a band was trivially easy even with a person who was in the process of being trained. Having had time to ponder what they are good for, I have noticed some non-obvious things.

First, these are a great source of income for Disney. They charge $20 for a cheap piece of plastic with an RFID chip and will sell you lots of crap to decorate your cheap piece of plastic. They will quickly make back all the money they spent and then some. They are mostly handy if you are a day guest but they are insanely cool if you are staying onsite since it's just as cool as the "Keys to the Kingdom" card but...on your wrist. That said: WHO THE HELL thought a rubberized piece of plastic worn on your body is a good idea in Orlando? SERIOUSLY!? Fears of using the RFID to track you everywhere you go are seriously off-base. You have to pretty much get the thing flat on the reader to get it to work. The signal is VERY low powered. It is almost exactly as much exposure as the "Keys to the Kingdom" room keys.

In practice, the thing is a bother for the experienced park commando. If you knew how to use the Disney apps and paper Fastpasses and which lines were full when, you are going to be crippled. You get three Fastpass+ passes and only one is an "E Ticket" type ride. Do you remember the tickets? If not, here is some history. I'm not making that comparison lightly because that is EXACTLY what the My Disney Experience is; a return to tickets by different means. The thing about a book of tickets was that you had a MESS of "A" "B" and "C" tickets...there was always something fun you could be doing. You had a few "D" and very few "E" tickets. The end result was that instead of everyone riding the very best ride over and over and over and over, making the wait interminable, you had incentive to see the less glitzy but still dead fun attractions.

That's what's happening here. Since you get two "A" "B" or "C" type tickets to every one "D" or "E" ticket ride, people use them. People are more evenly spread through the parks because they are taking in the Country Bear Jamboree or the Jungle Cruise instead of lining up for hours to ride The Haunted Mansion. So, for the average guest who doesn't care to learn how to work the system, this means less catastrophic lines and they are happy. So I give the whole thing a B. It's a money maker and it makes the park less painful for casual guests. If you knew how to work the system, It's a D+.

The first day we got to spend a little time with Jen, always time well spent and we did the Fantasmic Dining Package. This, boys and girls is the ONLY way to see Fantasmic. A decent dinner and good seats for the show. While not as epic as Illuminations, Fantasmic is damned awesome.

Day 2 was the Magic Kingdom with John our VIP Tour Guide. This is utterly outside my tax bracket. The absolute minimum this service will cost you is $1890 for six hours...and it was good enough that if this figure is something that can be managed by time leading up to your visit, do it. ESPECIALLY if this is a "once in a lifetime" trip. First, let me tell you what that covers. That gets you, a fastpass to everything that offers a fastpass...which is most of the things at Magic Kingdom. To give you an idea, in our six hours we covered pretty much everything but Space Mountain and Pirates of the Caribbean (which was closed) and got front row seats to the new parade. The guide also picks up the tab on your drinks...and snacks...AND a sit down lunch. YES, Including character meals. YES...even that one. John is also an utterly charming man, he could out trivia me and had a genuine passion about his job. He has actually taught Traditions, the new cast member orientation class about what it means to be a cast member because he lives it. He was helpful and kind to everyone we ran across and would stop to tidy if he saw the need.

We had Dinner at Be Our Guest and it also absolutely lived up to the hype. We started with the Potato Leek Soup and the French Onion Soup...get the French Onion. The Potato Leek is amazing. The French Onion is better. For the entree, the Herb-Crusted Lamb Rack and The Braised Pork (Coq au vin style) were both equally amazing. We had to have The Grey Stuff for dessert and it was delicious. The other desserts looked better but... THE GREY STUFF!!! The atmosphere was amazing even by Disney standards. You enter via heavy double doors with one person charged with lighting the way with the candelabra. We were seated in the main dining room, which does look exactly like the ballroom brought to life. We toured the place and found the rose in the haunted West Wing and the music box Maurice made for the happy couple in the Rose Gallery. Before leaving we bid our thanks to Prince Adam for a lovely evening.

Day 3 Started with breakfast at Whispering Canyon Cafe...yes this was delicious and plentiful and a lot of fun. Anyday that starts with a mimosa and sausage gravy is bound to be good. The potatoes needed a little ketchup...be sure to ask for some if you visit. The rest of the day was a typical day at Epcot...except for the FREAKING MONSOON! Which was followed with some serious heat. Which combines with the water to make 98% humidity. Weather Underground said that it "felt like" 146 degrees. We soldiered on and ate and drank our way around the Flower & Garden Show which was...okay. Flowers were wilty, topiaries were cool but all the interesting sessions were over weeks ago.

Day 4 we slept in since we knew there would be a late night at Epcot. We had a good day at Epcot and dinner at The Coral Reef. This is officially off our list of recommended hits. The food was again kinda "meh" and the service was (again) dreadful. The huge fish tank is amazing but so not worth the trouble. Even after the manager having to bus our table we barely made it to our next fastpass.

Which was Illuminations. It was as awe inspiring as always. Then we made our way to the After Hours Wind Down at Spice Road Table. This is worth the price just to have a comfy place to sit (and eat and drink) while everyone heads to their cars. Having a deserted park to ourselves after was priceless. I hope I captured some good stuff.

Day 5 found us utterly exhausted. We rolled out of bed and headed off to Animal Kingdom. We did a commando tour of AK and made it back to the car just before the skies opened up again. We then began our way home.

Pictures to follow.