Now for the second thing that diet programs don't want you to know.
This gets a little ugly so grab a seat and a beverage. Okay so are you or have you been obese? I'm not talking a little overweight, I'm talking class II (BMI 35.0–39.9) or class III (BMI >40) obese. Then I have some bad news, you are going to die that way and sooner rather than later.
That escalated quickly, didn't it? Do I have your attention? Statistically speaking, what I'm saying is true. Recovery rate on obesity is between 5-10% depending on where you got your number...and the majority of them were class I. I'm laying this really harsh slice of truth out for one reason; I think the line of bullshit that most diet programs and their followers espouse does a huge disservice to the nature of the struggle that will have to happen if you want to be that 5-10%. I don't think this can be stressed enough. Obese people are in a fight for their lives both on a very real level and for the quality of life they will have while on the way to their early, early graves.
Some of the things I constantly hear might not be lies to the person saying them. My personal favorite is: "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels." This is so amazingly untrue that I fear that the ground would open up and swallow me if I ever utter this statement. If it's true for you, great...shut your fucking noise hole because you are being the opposite of helpful...and I'm going to have to explain that now before I go on with other examples.
When you are class II and III obese your life is one of pain, both physical and emotional as well as the subject of ridicule and torment both tacitly and occasionally maliciously. It starts to sink in and even the strongest people start to pick up some heavy scar tissue. So, when encountering a statement like that, when OBVIOUSLY food has been a driving force in their lives for so long, what they hear is; "You are not normal...you are different even from reformed obese people and you are wrong." So they parrot it to fit in, they hope that since everyone says it, there will be some magic turning point where it becomes true and when they realize that point will never come, it's a harsh slice of reality.
There is also the very specific admonition that if you commit to this life change, your body will at some point start to crave the more nutrient dense, lower caloric density foods that fuel it best. You can be re-trained and your fabulous life will be on course from here on out. That's another confidence destroying lie. People don't become obese by accident. Programs pretend that people don't know how to eat, lack the habits and lack the knowledge because that's the facile and comfortable lie that will keep clients paying. The truth is, they knew what they were doing while they were doing it and were powerless to stop it. I was fully present in every delicious bite and I know full well that even if I hit goal weight and meet fitness goals that would make 18 year old men weep, I would still want to do it again.
and remember those mental scars I was talking about? That's the next lie. It's never told explicitly but part of what is sold is this fabulous, active, healthy and amazing life you will be living. Yea, that doesn't happen. If you've been obese for a while, your confidence is rough around the edges, you still believe a lot of what you could hear people whispering about you. In your mind, you are still the ugly stupid whale that everyone rejected and ignored. You still feel more comfortable at home, alone, maybe with a book, a chat room, a computer game, Ben & Jerry...wait, what? Yes. That's exactly how it happens.
There is no award ceremony where you are given an award, people treat you with new found respect and you become confident, suave and charismatic. You are still the person you were but with a few more active hobbies and this new person owns smaller pants...but the pizza guy knows your name, greets you warmly and always has something that makes you feel good, if only for a little while.
So, to sum it up: It never becomes easy nor intuitive. Your body doesn't crave healthy food nor is it retrained to have a better sense of satiety. Plus you're likely a lot more socially awkward than most...and you know you are just going to end up fat again.
That's what it's REALLY like.
People should know that. This is going to be hard work, DAMNED hard work and you are going to have to do it for the rest of your life. No one will care and you are going to have to lose a lot of baggage to be living the life they promise in the commercial. Every day will be a struggle to not give in to the ever present temptations of gluttony and sloth. Gluttony and sloth that are programmed into your DNA as having won at the game of life...not to mention a food industry that spends billions of dollars to find ways to make the cheapest to prepare and nutritionally empty foods taste orgasmically good. It's going to be hard and it's going to suck and no one is going to understand.
The only way I can deal with this is to remind myself that I'm worth it.
Even if my knee prevents me from running again, I can easily fit into cars, I can buy pants in any store that sells them, I can easily get up from a seated position, I can walk up a flight of stairs easily, I can tie my shoes and I can enjoy more years with my friends and my family and my wife and yea... Pizza still tastes better than thin feels, LOTS better but I want all those other things more than I want that feeling.
I'm so pleased you are writing on this subject again.
ReplyDeleteFirst, I urge you to read a blog entitled Screaming Fat Girl. I know you would get a lot out of her conceit. You'll see some of my comments over there, notably one on a recent post about the neural pleasure pathways and how I posit that in the obese segment of the population (at least in the 1st world), food is the only pleasure left to this cohort and as such, they continue to use it to light up the pleasure loop.
I also posit that there is a tipping point that arrives when one reaches a certain weight/BMI. Probably somewhere between 35 - 40, but one must factor in age and general health. Anyway, once that tipping point is reached, the "normal" things that light up the pleasure pathways (love, sex, community-involvement, exercise, normal daily movement, IRL interaction, social engagement) are no longer accessible. What's left? Food. People need to feel pleasure, so it makes sense to me that someone who is essentially living isolated would still need to "light up", and will grab what they can to do the trick.
SFG's writing shows a lot of scars, scars which you talk about here in your post, scars from years of being Death Fat. So take her writing (and some of her knee-jerk responses) with that in mind. That said, I think she makes insane sense and should be read by anyone interested in the subject of obesity research.
Keep writing, George. You got this.
Thanks Shelby. I guess with all that has happened, it's given me more time to think about what has happened and some is venting, some is hopeful that it might help. I've bookmarked it and will give it a read.
DeleteI think you are right about the connection to pleasure. Between the physical limitations of the condition and the utter social rejection, food is the only thing left, even when they know it's making those problems worse.
I just had to give one more reply before going to bed. Thank you for turning me on to Screaming Fat Girl. The notion of Fat PTSD...yes. That demands exploration later.
DeleteThis is such a harsh reality. I feel like very few people actually believe that...that being thin feels better than delicious food tastes. I'm glad you're preaching the others side instead of being like blah blah I'm an example of how your entire mindset can change! Like yeah, your lifestyle changes, but let's not pretend we all of a sudden don't love food anymore. That takes a LOT, and while I do believe people can get past it...I think the internet and marketing have made it seem a lot more easily attainable than it really is, especially in the short term.
ReplyDeleteGood stuff to keep in mind. I keep waiting for it to get easy and it's not, so this really speaks to me.
Deep down, I think you are right. Most people parrot that line and hope that at some point it will be true for them and the deep disappointment that the realization that it's not going to happens contributes to the high failure rate. I think being honest and focusing on what we can control, what we can change and acknowledging limitations instead of insisting they don't exist is the way to win.
DeleteI'm glad I could give that voice for you. :-) I don't think it really gets easy, we just get more resolved and realistic in what we want from life. Weight loss is sold the way beer, jeans and perfume is sold; as a way to have the fabulous life, as shown on TV. It can be a start...a tool to achieving that life but I don't think many are ready for the sudden rush of reality that goal weight means that you are now in a position to begin the hard work makes it any easier.